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Choosing Your Marriage


Choosing Your Marriage

Posted  August 27, 2014 By Rev. (Mrs) Lydienne C. Mbua

Before you marry, you should prayerfully consider your options; Choosing the right marriage will automatically reduce the element of fear in marriage.

The Two Types of Marriage and Which One Is Right for You

Many times singles wonder: “What type of marriage will I have?”

My answer is It’s up to you. You have two choices, and you can only choose one.

Two Kinds of marriage

There are two major routes you can take with marriage;

You can make it about you, or You can build a marriage around Love, God’s love.
Which one you choose really depends on what results you hope to achieve in that marriage.

Building a marriage around you.

Soon after marriage, I made a shocking discovery from my speech: I found when I was under pressure, some of my most popular words were:

“I don’t have to obey you!”
“I will do it my way!”
“I don’t care what you say!”
“I can’t stand you!”
“I will do what I want to do!”

The more I reacted in this way in my marriage, the more I found I was unhappy. I was choosing a marriage built around my feelings, and yet what I desired was the God-kind of marriage. This is one of the reasons why so many of God’s children are not really happy in marriage. They allow these “popular words”to create the wrong atmosphere in their homes.

While using “popular” words in marriage may be a more flexible option, they are not a life-giving option. Notice what God says in Deuteronomy 30:19 Amplified bible
I call heaven and earth to witness this day against you that I have set before you life and death, the blessings and the curses; therefore choose life, that you and your descendants may live.

We should be careful to choose a marriage ruled by God’s love, the life-giving love, not by SELF which brings about destruction in marriage.

The God-kind of marriage
I read the following story depicting the value of every individual:

The Touch of the Master’s Hand is a beautiful parable illustrating that all persons are of value and have great potential, even those regarded by society as washed up and useless.

In a workshop filtered with light, we see a master craftsman lov- ingly carve, assemble and polish a new violin. Once it has dried, he strings it, puts it to his chin, and begins to play a beautiful classical melody. Satisfied with the quality of its sound, he places the shiny instrument in a new case.

The violin is first bought by a mother for her young son, but even the cat crawls under a chair to escape the awful noise. The boy’s carelessness inflicts the first scratches on the instrument, and after his mother’s fruitless attempts to make him practice, the violin is stashed away in the attic. Eventually it is sold to a pawn shop, and from there it passes through the hands of one careless owner after another.

After many such owners have battered and banged it beyond recognition, the instrument is put up for auction. People in the audience vie for used pianos and pink lawn flamingos, but not even the auctioneer is interested in the violin, so terribly marred is it in appearance. The auctioneer pleads with the audience and attempts to point out some of the attributes of the instrument. Some, bored, drift out of the room. It looks as though the auctioneer will be lucky to get even a dollar or two for it.

And then an old man comes forward. He takes the violin, tightens and tunes the strings, and plays a haunting rendition of Dvorak’s “Humoresque.” Suddenly the audience is captivated. People begin to return to their seats, entranced by this unexpected performance from a master. The tone and beauty of the music that he is able to produce on even this old and battered instrument deeply moves the audience.

The old man finishes and gives the violin back to the auctioneer. Slowly he finds his voice again and asks, “And now what am I bid for the old violin? How about a thousand dollars?” The crowd comes to life, and the bidding rises until the violin is sold for $3,000. Someone wonders, “What changed its worth?” The swift reply is, “The touch of the master’s hand.”

The scene shifts, and we realize that the violin has been a metaphor for all who have sunk in life to the point where others consider them worthless. We see an alcoholic old man trudging dispiritedly through the city streets. He climbs up onto the railing of an overpass above a busy highway. Three young men, who see only a worthless vagrant about to provide them with a spectacle, motion for him to jump. But at the last moment, a gentle hand touches his shoulder. Encouraged, he climbs back down, and the disappointed thrill-seekers move on. Another person has been saved from the brink of destruction by the touch of the master’s hand.

Life-giving marriages carry tremendous power to save and therefore have longer lifespans, as opposed to “self” options because they are vehicles of the masters touch.
1Corinthians 7
12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save [thy] husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save [thy] wife?

The marriage built on God’s kind of love is the kind of marriage that most people desire. This kind is characterized by:

daily saying “no” to destructive feelings
Choosing to live the Christ-life and
Desiring The Holy Spirit to produce beautiful fruit in your life. The Bible says,

“The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith [faithfulness], meekness, temperance [self-control]….” Galatians 5:22, 23

The God-kind of marriage may be harder to grow because for things to change, you first must change!

The good news, however is that your marriage will be built on a strong foundation.

Because of the nature of the God-kind of love, this kind of marriage helps you grow and mature, as your marriage grows.

Which type should you choose?

If you’re going more long-term, choose the God-kind of marriage. You’ll be able to grow as your marriage grows. Be different!

It is my prayer, that this blog will help at least one person feel more confident about building strong relationships and marriage.

I look forward to your feedback, and until my next post, this is Pastor Lydienne reminding you “YOU HAVE ALL IT TAKES TO MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE WORK!”
Deuteronomy 1:11

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